Mother's pains

 

The suffering of life is part of it. Even if we don't remember the joy on our way, it exists and persists and is measured by our faith. 

I'm sick. Physically ill, psychologically shaken by a succession of less good events. My sonTomás called me five minutes ago with urgency and concern. So that he could peek at my mother, his grandmother.

She heard a prayer in her room. With her back to us, kneeling on the floor and with her hands holding her head resting on the bed. It's not trivial and even less good. I know her weariness, her hurts, her sadness and grief. Her life is one of continuous mourning, despite being cheerful, intelligent, and curious. 

she will be 79 next month. How can I flatten this fear that tears my chest, this lump in my throat due to the pain it carries? I try to hold her often, talk about affection. So that she can let out what still hurts her, what always torments and worries her. My mother was fatherless at the age of five. At the age of ten, she lost her mother. The siblings are all older, each in her own life. She just. 

She had to fight to have her place in the sun. She doesn't know how to give affection, except by cooking and giving herself to others. She is not a person to give hugs or show affection. It's mental and logical. Rational. Try to open up to what you didn't have. Who can give what they don't have or haven't learned to give to themselves?

We only give what we are, what we have. Everything else is impossible. 

And the aggravating factor is that she knows how to give, but she doesn't know how to receive yet. Therefore, my mother, who has always been an agnostic, who has never known what faith was, except trust in her struggle to rise and rise again, desires to know Your Power of compassion. That was her path and that is the lesson she passes on to me. I try to pamper her, cheer her up, but a mother doesn't let herself be fooled. Just a few days ago she asked me: Cristina, how do I pray? 

How do you ask the God you believe in? I explained to her as briefly as possible that there is no secret to this. To talk to God is to talk and not to parrot what the church teaches. To have a daily, intimate and healthy relationship with God is to speak to Him as we speak to those who give us their time to listen to us. That's what God is. Infinite understanding of the processes and boundless lap to your children. This is God, our best friend that we carry within us. We are His divine sparks. We are Him. We experience it. It will be necessary to be aware of this. God is not outside, but inside. God is not strange, but He is part of our bloodstream and more than that, He is experienced through our heart and mind. The soul is your vehicle. 

For rationalists, I see, it's hard to believe what you can't see. But what is not seen is the Totality and the Reality. Not the other way around. The essential is invisible to our eyes (The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint Exupéry).

And when she sees her own less well, she kneels down and asks the Father for consolation. Ah, Father, tear her breast open and enter her. She wants to know you intimately. Place Eve, the child she holds within her, in your lap and give her love and that comfort and peace that comes only from you. As for me, I cry even more when I see her like this, desperately searching for faith. 

Dad, why don't you talk to her like you talk to me? Give her Your Love. It injects you with strength and courage. I feel that soon the cut will take place. Make her gain the awareness of this Faith so that her journey may be fulfilled fully in the Light. Mothers should not leave. Not with pain and heartache. And I pray for her who has suffered so much in this life and has not stopped giving herself to others. And to be fair, she never expected anything in return. On the other hand, do not let my children, who are afraid to know you, rebel against you when the moment of her departure comes. Snuggle them and make them understand your existence and purpose in each of their lives. May your plans be fulfilled. And here the rain doesn't stop washing streets and souls. A Friday that comes down bringing in the date memories of other previous matches. May the sun not delay in breaking through the darkness. And may all who wish us evil receive compassion, love, and understanding, so that those who bear the pains of the world may be relieved as well. 

God is fantastic. Don't fight it. Choose from arms, love. And know, death does not exist. There is transformation and eternal continuity. We are immortal. Very much in His image. Just like He told us.