Alma Novaes

 Insomnia Prediction

I ask the angels about you

 if I'm going to see you 

And if not, 

when will I forget you 

and the angels 

stubbornly 

refuse to answer me

Instead, 

I get synchronisms

And bigger signs of smiles

 that I'll give, 

one day 

and I'll look at your photos

Yesterday, 

during my short, unhappy sleep,

and only struck by exhaustion,

I attended my funeral,

beautiful, it rained a light rain,

 dew of St. John,

it was a winter's day 

and probably 

the end of the day.

Without pain, 

I could see an old black ford 

where my body 

was following; 

On the sides, 

my children and, in the back, 

people I didn't know 

and nothing hurt me. 

And yes,

I knew I was gone. In peace.

I ask Rafael about you, 

he tells me to look 

at who is next to me.

By my side 

are my ghosts, 

my great-grandfather, 

grandfather Rodrigo 

and my father

I've never been alone, 

but how great 

It may be the consternation,

how heavy this realization 

of not having you.

I live in solitude 

and I don't feel lonely,

Lack of nothing 

and no one,

I live in 

a sacrificial regime,

paused existence

You're just not there 

and I miss you!

And how big it is, 

the rest seem tiny

Today I saw the boats 

in Entre-os-Rios, 

My circumspect countenance 

And my sadness, a cry

Today I felt alone

in the emptiness 

of longing, 

in the strait of truth, 

a bitter and raw coffee

taken in the company 

of the shadow

That I already am,

just a figure.

And the day 

is rising and I 

I don't understand 

what this hole is

Where I've fallen, 

why I've fallen

And life doesn't surprise 

me anymore

More than this wound

opened in false sign of end.

Daydream 

that you invite me

For a coffee, 

a francesinha

A conversation 

aligned with today

And tomorrow,

 but I'm the one dreaming

And the day dawns 

and nothing happens

Not a bush 

trembles in revolt

'Cause the dream 

doesn't come true

And I'm waiting 

for the postman 

who insists on pushing 

the date of my trial,

 the height of my anxiety!

And I close the shutters again,

And let me fall into tears 

And I shout 

softly 

to myself that in the 

In the next incarnation 

I don't want 

to feel love 

or lack of love from anyone.

And as I smoke 

another cigarette

And I get ready 

for bedtime

I look at your eyes 

once more

and I ask God for help 

my sleep

It's a new recipe 

to forget you about.