Temple of God

 

After so many times, so many ways, so many twists and turns to explain the obvious, I finally resorted to a crude drawing. It seemed to me to be the simplest for a person as mental as she was. I wanted so badly to teach her the faith. But I had to draw the heart for her. I'm terrible at drawing, but it's easy to draw a puppet idealizing a human being that can extend to all realms, a circle, with eyes, mouth and nose, a neck and its torso, the upper limbs, the lower limbs, as is done with boys at school. And I slammed the heart symbol in the middle of that childish doll's chest. She laughed at my puppet and probably at the efforts I was making to offer her my perspective. Because among the thousand he has available, he crumples them all into an amalgam of nothing, as if he were dispossessing her own line of reasoning. Any idea of others was more reliable than her own, because he believed in nothing.  It's exhausting, but unconditional love never gives up on others, it can't give up. And this persistence of mine, I made her see, is also the faith to be built in me, so that she does not fear the end of the planet, human extinction, atrocities or death. So that her anguish may be serified, which seems to me more and more an anguish tamed by the addiction of blackouts. Perhaps my mother believes that the human species must perish, perhaps she feels less anguished, believing that her end will be mitigated by the end of the whole. And that exasperates me, but because I understand it that way, and because I love her, I don't surrender to her hopelessness of not having what others find in religions but she doesn't.

-Mother, faith cannot be bought. Neither is love! Love is given, built, given, but not sold. And I tried to get her to follow my reasoning, according to her eyes, implausible, but she nodded, as if she could accept and understand. Showing that disposition. And she is not a Catholic, nor a Buddhist, nor of any religion, she knows that good is done and evil is also done, which is a consequence of our ignorance and acts. From the lack of empathy or the loving-kindness that is born of human attitudes. And I'm not one to give up. I can go around a lot of text, bite my tail, and get distracted to focus and get back to it. I sighed deeply. Feeling my energy gain power via coffee, at my kitchen table. The pen scribbled on the small notepad and she sometimes looked at the paper, sometimes she looked at the cats in the window, avoiding my gaze. -Eve, the book of the Bible, the word of God that you listen to in youtube videos to try to find the thread of your skein of faith begins here, in this doll, in this heart. Not here, on your chest. That was what they were referring to and not the chapel, the church, the mosque, the temple, the pope. There is no God there, if there is no God here, inside our chest and God is the unconditional love that we nurture for others, forgiving ourselves, trying, at least, through mistakes and successes. Mother, Christ is not on the cross, as you know, He is in all of us, but inside, not outside, He does not have blue eyes, but eyes of all colors, of all languages. We are these Christs who walk in the world. The Christ who died for us on the cross is betrayal and lying, lack of empathy and revenge with others, perjury and false witness, manipulation and all that stuff that leads us to our psychological death, that diverts us from the progress of becoming better. If you want to look at it from the mental side of things, it's linear and simple. We are complete beings, life is this game in which one day it ends. On our part. And it continues here for others who remain in physical space. And it continues beyond the body for those who depart for the afterlife. It's a privilege to be part of this game and to use wisdom to bring the best, to strive for the best version of ourselves. So that we do not continue to be violated Christs, dead of hunger and misery, of the lack of love and understanding, of the injustices that spread, of the wars that continue. To love is not to compete, except with ourselves, because only that competition is healthy. Why do you so easily accept the idea that the apocalypse will happen, that the blackout will happen, that the Jabé who died was I don't know who from the world order and that the devil will come from the Vatican? 

The devil is in all of us, mother, everyone. When, instead of love, we choose lies, deception, betrayal, subterfuge. The devil is the density of matter trying to override the divine that we carry inside, in that precious temple that no one can touch because it is so sacred, the true temple is our heart. If we deviate from its truth, we shirk the fulfillment of our mission to make progress, and it is indeed a privilege to commune with nature and so many would like to be here now and be able to make a difference. If you want a God as much as you believe in the devil, read where it is written that God made man in his image and likeness. With the ability to perpetuate oneself in creations and gifts. That the devil is the author of the crimes that are committed, of the silence of injustices, of the subtlety of manipulations. Love is where the truth lies, our true identity, who we are and not what we appear to be, love, mom, is that creature out there, our dog leaving her plate for her six children to eat, if she refuses to eat, while she sees them hungry and knows that she has no milk to feed them, mother, it is for you to stop eating, because your children bring an unexpected visitor and you do not want them to lack anything and you give up your share to others, it is to understand that if each one does their part of self-denial and self-giving,  there will not even be room for hunger, slavery or humiliation. This is our free will, to choose a path knowing that there are dualities that tear apart within us, waiting for our vulnerability to overcome us. The war in the world reflects all our internal wars, between what I need and what I want, between the path and the shortcut, between me putting myself above others or manifesting a relationship of equity, between me respecting myself, in the respect that others inspire in me or not respecting myself at all. And I don't give up, but my energy is depleted, because these are apparently simple things, but so complicated for a human mind that it radicalizes things, needing to give them ground. The floor of others. Good will always be good, regardless of whether it comes from the rocks, the sky, or experiences. The good does not change. It does not become corrupted. Evil, indeed, degenerates. It finds ways to multiply much faster than good. The exercise of thinking about god, evolution, universe, love or energy is like a provocation to the equation professed by so many religions, a real challenge to overcome external voices, and it is from the inside out that one reaches, that one gets there, that one can understand. A light in the darkness does not have the ability to illuminate the world, but it does have the capacity to illuminate enough for us to be able to see that we still live in the darkness of civilization, in the darkness of a mind that only progresses to some, to some things, to a handful of interests. Medicine, quantum physics, aeronautics, and so many other branches of science, all the good that is done for the sake of societies has soil to subsist and continue. But always from a perspective of duality. And the need for constant balances. 

Our ancestors, whom I honor and love, who came earlier to clear the difficulties so that our paths would become easier and more comfortable, they also deserve that our existence continues to progress, that they are honored even in their mistakes that bring us information and tools so that we do not repeat them, history is a tool, because it contains your efforts, your successes, your intentions and your intelligence. And if you are not able to feel and know all of this, then perhaps we are lost as humanity. If we don't dare to build bridges in a commitment to the future, why do you continue to bring children into the world? To be better than the rest? To be like who you are? What are your extensions for? So that they fulfill your dreams and not theirs? So, create your clones, let them multiply, exercise your free will on that path and the earth will become inhospitable again and we will be dust again, having the opportunity to move forward, choosing to detonate our end as a species.

My mother, after trying to make her imagine the temple in her heart, told me that it was not that easy. That faith was not for everyone, nor was love, nor was the ability to change, to do things differently. And I got up and after dessert I asked her if she wanted a coffee. She shook her head and told me that, if I didn't mind, she would listen to the barbarities of the president of all the Portuguese, and I said yes, that it was good, and I accompanied my mother to her room, having chosen to sit in the armchair, immersed in the videos of her cell phone, surrounded by books of word and letter soups, crochet and water and I went back to the kitchen, to gather the dishes, removing the leftovers, passing through water and stuffing everything inside the machine. I washed the counters and the stove, but I was already defeated by fatigue. I put the tablet in the maria and took the rest of my coffee, which was already cold, and retired to my quarters, without even looking at whether the floor needed a vacuum cleaner. It's on the other hand that I sleep better. Exhausted. Because I care. 

Why do you care, oh stupid girl? What do you care? As your mother says, so-and-so says that there is no saving God, that no Savior comes to get us, each one saves himself. That yes, yes, it's a "save yourself if you can" and because of this "save yourself if you can" that we got here. Here we are, on the edge of the abyss. And they still dare to say that Communists eat little children for breakfast. I prefer the Communists who are not Catholics and do not sponsor the beating of little children in the churches, to the growing hypocrisy that reigns in the flocks of which I am not a part! It is our heart that defends and reveals who we are! And not the church. It is God in each one of us who builds a better world. And not the abbot, not the rabbi, not the pastor, not the devil, not the Vatican. We are all, men and women. And this is my political, social, psychological, rational position. I only commit to what I believe in. Let each one choose what he wants, in his free will. And this is me, struggling with myself and with my other selves in order to maintain my lucidity.