Father who is in heaven, who even though you were in heaven, you never abandoned me, that even when disappointed in me, you never gave up, that even though I was not perfect, you always gave me the strength and joy to smile, that even knowing the hard lessons I had to learn, you gave me music and palliatives to endure the hard trials of knowledge that, more than academic, an experience came in the flesh, which left me deep scars, wounds that do not heal without a lesson learned, filthy, from the filth that man chose, because because of my defects, the greatest of stubbornness, of believing that I knew people and their nature, which guaranteed me, that they would change by my constancy and firmness, Dad, let me thank you for your kindness, after the fall, for the royalty of being awake, I am always thanking you and it never seems to be enough, that your abundance of love surpasses the abundance of lessons, that you have not given me more than I could bear, that I speak to you, that I write to you, that I am silent to understand where you want to take me and why you want it to go like this, In this way, so that I may be deeply intimate, so that I may immerse myself in your fertility and I, Father, by the love you inspire in me, by the immense goodness you have sown in me, I do your will, desiring that it may be fulfilled, yours, Father, not mine, that yours is the right measure, the choice that is up to me, the agreed. The purity that you offered me from the cradle, father, I dismantled it, through the lasciviousness of my enemies, but it remains purity, my naivety I drowned it in tears, because of the betrayal behind my back, but you know well who I am and it continues as it began, to those who are true. Vertical.
I take everything apart and get back on my feet, only then do I understand the curves, not those of the road of saints, that these do not follow the reason with which you lead in my life, and if before I insisted on you, that it was not as you wanted, but since I thought I knew, I recognize this defect as levity, you who know all the reasons that reason itself does not know, you, only you operating in this dimension through the tools you have offered us, only you in the divine purpose. I shut up and I don't sneak out, you didn't make me a coward, I keep listening to you, trying to understand you and I never give up.
Blessed am I because you have made me this way, stubborn and persistent, arrogant and resilient, stupid and as useful as it is to those who have used me, as if I could change people but myself. And because you are in the lead and, yes, father, because you are not absent from me for a second, how can I not recognize that they are all miracles wrought from you that I feel an immense desire to thank you?
I love you, Father, and there is no obligation to have a text, not a will, not a carelessness, not a frivolity, not a stubbornness, and not a truth. It's all part of your offerings, from father to daughter, I'm deserving of it, and needy too, or it wouldn't be like that, imperfectly complete, unfinished awake. I know that you want me to write, I know that you want to be read, that you want me to listen to the jokes of my enemies, that you want me to feel the strength of their lies and defend me, for this you have designed me, therefore, a whole life dedicated to cordiality and giving, for this the constant blindness in relation to the friends of others and I recognize your intelligence and your mastery. I am more than grateful to you, Dad, I am devoted to you, so much lived and so much error, so much presumption and so much foolishness, so much blunder and so much blind eye. They joke and you draw me a smile that intercepts the tear, they curse my name and you take me in your arms and show me that they will love your sketch in me, what I bring from you, without any effort, even if you don't like me. And you smile, because you have a good temper, because you have an abundance of humor, because you are a variety artist in the intervals in which you lead the universe, distracting the unwary, those who do not learn, to catch them in the curve. And I, in my insignificance, sit next to you, as if playing the same game as the creator, and I am the willing character, puppet, I offer myself and while you lead, father, I watch you, while you lead me, father, I absorb you. And you move me. I am moved by your extravagant, fertile love, your attention and tenderness. And I make it my goal, I will make myself an aesthete, I play with words, you have made me an aesthete, and both are true, and I will go to Mecca and wash my feet as if they were yours after a long journey. And to love others as myself, with distance and surrender, each monkey on its branch. As myself, father, with the proper distance that you have taught me. I bow to you and you are in everyone, in everything, in the sea and in the sky, in the seagulls and in the lilies, in the cleaver and in the jorna, in the day and in the night, in the sun and the moon, that respect for everything reveals your best nature. My best nature. And I experience myself better, Dad, when I love in myself what you have given me, who I am, who you made me to give myself, to give myself with restrictions and limits, which I learned the hard way, as João used to say, it is better to correct a mistake by hand than to keep it.
Dad, I talk to you a lot, in daily monologues, I write you long texts, I dedicate my days to you, and I ask you for more clarity and you give me strength, and when I ask you for strength, you give me clarity. And when I just thank you, Dad, I swear that's when you give me the most, love me the most, feel you the most, the more I grow. I overflow in your love, I feel accompanied and I am almost sure that I am not the only one who loves you like this, so many others of you like me, who are enraptured, who absorb, who learn and who thank you and we are never satisfied with you, to the point of saying father, enough is enough. Father, here I am where you want me, sitting at your table, lying on your bed, talking in a tete a tete, as if we were two bodies on the same plane. And the deception starts there, we are two in one, we are all in one. My dear, esteemed and dearly beloved father, my hero, I leave you today a song by Adoniran Barboza. I know you appreciate it as much as I do.
Of the many ironies, your ex-atheist, ex-agnostic, with ex-modesty to speak to you, to speak of you, to speak of love. Your dearly beloved daughter,
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