Hard lesson to learn

 

Of the so-called question of humanity.

I believe that this theme came out in 1990, maybe a little earlier, but I only came across it much later.

I believe that we have come across things and people at the right times. Like a slap that wakes you up, like a light in the darkness. It took me fifty-five years to learn that the shadows of others are the shadows of everyone, with different faces, but that we can choose what to feed, while we are here. Hurting hurts everyone. Except for sociopaths, because they lose the memory of humanity and the ability to "enter" the place of others. 

In a conversation with a close family member, I had the opportunity to have an approximate image of the figure "in loco", and forgive the redundancy that others had of me. And through his eyes, I could see envy, masked as sympathy, if that's possible. Believe me, it is. You can spend your life living with someone, you will never know what they are carrying inside, especially as far as you are concerned. And you can feel that yes, that person is your mirror. In fact, there are two types of mirrors: the one of your beliefs and dreams, and the other side, of your fears and traumas. Whatever you're resonating with will captivate the characters who are connected with it. But you are not that image. These are projections. Of course, there are many explanations and theories, from Jung, Freud, through Rogers and all the scholars of humanity, we are always more, beyond, above, within. We did not come to repeat patterns. There is no evolution in repetition.Life loses its meaning in comparisons. 

Yesterday, when I observed two young cubs of the cat Minie, both dark like herself, I could see that although the same in the color of the fur, the eyes, in the beauty and perfection, one of them was sweet and willing to pamper and the other very aggressive, that she rebelled, even against her own brother and that this contributed to a convulsion that the sweet cub had following this aggression,  and that the mother, licking them both equally, remained in the middle, between them, protecting both sides, but with the perception of motherhood, she decided to take care of the most fragile. I also saw that the most aggressive, through fear and revolt, brought visible and unfavorable results for the trio. I imagined that aggressive offspring as being one of us, subject to the most diverse inhumanities and speculations of the environment in which we move and I was able to confirm that the most vulnerable become strong and the strong weaken, in the face of the environment. It all depends on how we deal with adversity. Which, when accounted for as a whole, make us sick or balance, that is, everything interdepends on how we see the world outside us, but above all on how we react to it. 

There is no more whitewashing of situations when we wake up. We do not pass the cloth, pretending to the reality of the illusory color we have chosen. To grow, as humanity, we have to start by looking in the fucking mirror. The damage we cause in our passage and in the bonds we create and nurture, with this environment, reveal exactly who we are and even more, what is expected of us and all the tools we have to improve ourselves. Inhumanity only wins in some quarters. When we wake up, the dream is left behind, the illusion of perfection becomes dispensable, and if we dare to look at the wreckage of those same images that once consisted of the shape of our reality, with transparency and courage, we realize that they were, after all, the skins that we once wore and that now, with this new awareness, we leave behind. Let's not be romantic with objective data. Nothing of what we were exists in us anymore, they are only outdated plasmas, devoid of anima, to which we cling to maintain a way of being and acting, clearly surpassed by life, which dared to tear the hidden veil of reality from us. Reality does not need dogmas. And if the dice are cast, to paraphrase Sartre, the next move is the freedom to be different. Being equal is involuting. Death is the liberation of the subject to assume another identity, another way of perceiving what has previously ended up in the cove of errors. Errare humanum est. 

We take the meager baggage of what we believe we need and walk, beyond the wreckage of who we were. Grief exists, back there, but in front of us is a new reality that may not have all the colors of the rainbow, but will certainly have the color of an alba dimension. Still unknown, but new. Once we know, we can't pretend we didn't know.And we appease the pains, on the journey, lightness helps us to realize that the pacts with ourselves are the most important, the ones that must be preserved, they and the choices that will open up, through our commitment and fidelity to ourselves. You are born alone. You die alone. Why not walk in the same way?

Of no fruit, want only half. I grant Torga, in this freedom of choices to achieve objectives. And the others are the others. Each of us will reap what we have sown. I continue to be unconditional love. I've always been stubborn. That old part of me stays behind. What remains of it, still in me, are its fruits, those of my summer. Which are my identity, in a world that dared to create hostilities in the fertile ground of me. What they reap from me, behold, they have sown. What I reap from you, this is my harvest. Lesson learned.